K.I.T.
I'm horrible at keeping in touch with people -- friends and business associates -- and I can't really figure out why this is.
In the case of business, I don't think it's procrastination since I force myself to wait until a certain period of time passes before I contact a person I have networked with. I kind of think the problem partially lies in my timing; I don't know how long to wait. I feel like making contact within a week is too short, but then I begin to forget during week 2. Before I know it, it's the 3rd week that has gone by and I start to feel like too much time has passed and it would seem akward to make contact. I have heard that it's fine if even more than a month has gone by and that people appreciate your effort in maintaining contact regardless. You're a busy person and they are busy people, so saying hello just once a year even works.
Like I said, however, that might only be part of my problem. How do you make contact? I know emails are supposed to be the way to go, but they seem so impersonal at times. I'd like to send a card since a physical thing that you can hold seems like it says so much more, but I hear "cards are out." sigh...a gift? A gift would seem cheesy to someone you met only once.
Then, akwardness comes into play. What do you say without sounding generic? Just be serious or throw in a little humor? Yeah, yeah..."it depends on the situation" and "just be yourself." Easier said than done!
Similar to my problem with keeping in touch business associates, it is difficult for me to stay in touch with friends. The reasons aforementioned also attribute to my lack of regular communication with childhood friends as well as those I've met less than a year ago. Although...there is more to it in this case. With friends, I think I just figure that if they're friends they will always be friends. With busy lives, it is okay to not know what is constantly going on in each others' lives. If you get a chance to catch up during dinner once a year or two, I think it's good enough. Just give the person a call out of the blue -- maybe it's the spontaneity I enjoy? Might it be the challenge of attempting to regain that bond you once had and perchance even build on it? Real friendships don't die, right? Is it that theory I'm trying to test?
Whatever the reason may be, I seem to be doing fine. Within the past two weeks, I had dinner with an old friend, introduced two others to rock climbing, had lunch with my sister, visited my family and went out to the movies with my boyfriend. Sounds like I've got a good track record? Well, if I add that in the 4-6 months prior to this winning streak, I had not seen any of these people (including my family and excluding sister and boyfriend whom I live with), I don't sound so great. Add the entire year before that, I probably had dinner with the friend I recently had dinner with a total of 3 times and saw my family every other month...I suck at keeping in touch with people!
Does being bad at keeping in contact with these people that I care about mean that I am a bad person? I think that as long as the relationship doesn't hurt and that you are able to pick right up where you left off the last time you met is an indication that things are a-ok. Yes, they could be better, but they could also be much worse. I guess as long as everyone is happy...
All in all, no matter the reasons, the bottom line is that I'm simply horrible at keeping in touch. I've just come to the conclusion that I should work to improve the way I handle networking relationships. My friendship skills, on the other hand, are fine when handled on an infrequent, irregular maintenence schedule. Family is another story...I really need to make time to see them on a regular basis!
In the case of business, I don't think it's procrastination since I force myself to wait until a certain period of time passes before I contact a person I have networked with. I kind of think the problem partially lies in my timing; I don't know how long to wait. I feel like making contact within a week is too short, but then I begin to forget during week 2. Before I know it, it's the 3rd week that has gone by and I start to feel like too much time has passed and it would seem akward to make contact. I have heard that it's fine if even more than a month has gone by and that people appreciate your effort in maintaining contact regardless. You're a busy person and they are busy people, so saying hello just once a year even works.
Like I said, however, that might only be part of my problem. How do you make contact? I know emails are supposed to be the way to go, but they seem so impersonal at times. I'd like to send a card since a physical thing that you can hold seems like it says so much more, but I hear "cards are out." sigh...a gift? A gift would seem cheesy to someone you met only once.
Then, akwardness comes into play. What do you say without sounding generic? Just be serious or throw in a little humor? Yeah, yeah..."it depends on the situation" and "just be yourself." Easier said than done!
Similar to my problem with keeping in touch business associates, it is difficult for me to stay in touch with friends. The reasons aforementioned also attribute to my lack of regular communication with childhood friends as well as those I've met less than a year ago. Although...there is more to it in this case. With friends, I think I just figure that if they're friends they will always be friends. With busy lives, it is okay to not know what is constantly going on in each others' lives. If you get a chance to catch up during dinner once a year or two, I think it's good enough. Just give the person a call out of the blue -- maybe it's the spontaneity I enjoy? Might it be the challenge of attempting to regain that bond you once had and perchance even build on it? Real friendships don't die, right? Is it that theory I'm trying to test?
Whatever the reason may be, I seem to be doing fine. Within the past two weeks, I had dinner with an old friend, introduced two others to rock climbing, had lunch with my sister, visited my family and went out to the movies with my boyfriend. Sounds like I've got a good track record? Well, if I add that in the 4-6 months prior to this winning streak, I had not seen any of these people (including my family and excluding sister and boyfriend whom I live with), I don't sound so great. Add the entire year before that, I probably had dinner with the friend I recently had dinner with a total of 3 times and saw my family every other month...I suck at keeping in touch with people!
Does being bad at keeping in contact with these people that I care about mean that I am a bad person? I think that as long as the relationship doesn't hurt and that you are able to pick right up where you left off the last time you met is an indication that things are a-ok. Yes, they could be better, but they could also be much worse. I guess as long as everyone is happy...
All in all, no matter the reasons, the bottom line is that I'm simply horrible at keeping in touch. I've just come to the conclusion that I should work to improve the way I handle networking relationships. My friendship skills, on the other hand, are fine when handled on an infrequent, irregular maintenence schedule. Family is another story...I really need to make time to see them on a regular basis!
posted by VeritableReverie | 7/28/2005 01:55:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home